Catatan 'hidup'

kadangkala, buat melupakan kehampaaanku aku mendengar lagu membuatku seolah jatuh cinta membuatku menangisi rasa sakit- yang tidak pernah ada hanya untuk memastikan aku belum mati rasa Kosong. tidak ada lagi romantisasi tawa di atas duka batinku melampaui semua tidak ada lagi yang perlu ditangisi, aku kehabisan waktu buat berhenti semua orang memulai, melangkah aku  tidak tahu arah darimana harus memulai ketertinggalan hal apa yang sejatinya ingin kukejar tidak ada yang menungguku- di ujung jalan harusnya aku bebas, kemana-mana asal kaki membawa, mendapati raga lontang-lantung tak ada tujuan pulang, kemana harus pulang? Kosong, tidak ada lagi air mata tidak ada bahagia hampa [dunia pasti bercanda, tolong sudahan tertawanya]

the cure of heartbreak is another heartbreak.  here we go, i learned some lessons how i dealt with things that felt like doesn't make any sense before. i never been used with every kind of heartbreaking, some people called them accident, some would be tragedy and some of that would be death. i think i don't even have any feeling left after some couple 'journey', i had to let go the person i ever depended on in my life. least of that, not the same.  i think if i was the old me, i would have go dying. however we have to accept, sometimes crying doesn't help, and i don't want to be looked pathetic anymore, cause im okay with my life like everyone else in the world do, and i think we fully understand how it feels to be ok with the life itself, - to giving up, to letting go of everything, and it lasts. we never lose when we never once holding back to people and that's what i do to my friends, to almost everyone i meet and welcomed with a big smile,  what is stay ...

  i looked at these windows, the sky's cloudy just like you, like me, and like the time that has been taken. the sun's clear, whispering the drought air, the weather were never just right, it's almost rain i guess, but we're both knew almost is never enough. "What were we?" i remembered those times while im thinking about us. we are there in our each memory, almost erased, made by dust. "What were we?" back to the time while you saw me for the first time, we've been there for awhile, sat in the corner of cafe, i liked the chocolate marshmallow so much, they were warm just like your eyes calmed me who was aching by the pain. "i think we are meant to be" i looked to your palm of hand, they're always fit into mine, you smiled, never answered, just smiled. merely a smile that i would never had forgotten in my life. you have to go, you doesn't know where the lives will carry your feet into, maybe a home, the one you have been l...