Catatan 'hidup'

⚠️ caution: for someone who feels uncomfortable or struggling with depression it is advised not to read the content. Date: Tuesday, 8th February  To: H Subject: <> H, lately I'm thinking that being happy is a sin, that i have to pay off everything I have stolen from everybody they have the more rights in. But life is always complicated,right?  and I merely want to tell you a story, my little story.  To living a life is not easy, we have to do the things we don't like and being told to fulfill the standards, everything needs to be fixed when they are different, and you know I got exhausted of being shaped out. Have you ever felt like burning out of life, H?  But still, I am here, ready to offering you a hug, we can go somewhere they don't know the place. there will be just us sitting on the bench, talking about stuff and why do the world doesn't give some comfortable space for someone good like you and compeletly obnoxious people like us. Here, take the pills, ...

  I don't think that this one is the best achievement in my life but, I want to share this still, to put it down here so that if someday I'll be face in some complicating situation, these words would probably be my answer- -- as much as i understand, as much as i have learned. It happened sometimes ago, I didn't release things as much as I did before such writing, drawing nor something else that I always do when I'm going too deep on my mind. It feels like a full break, to taking a rest of my mind, my heart and soul - to find an escape from all these busy living, and it turns out great. --- I start to look for what's around and i found them more interesting somehow--- not to even ask myself is it me happy or neither I am, surprisingly I met some new friends--  doing some busy things that everyone else does, and I had found that some of cool things aren't always meant to remember and to be kept in memories, but they just there, supposed to be feel and to be dis...

  Even when you're broken, love is still everywhere #Mainstreamstuff  Suasana seantero SMA Harapan Bangsa mulai ricuh sejak pak Raditya dkk melakukan operasi kelengkapan seragam di depan gerbang. Ya, belakangan ini ketertiban seragam sekolah mulai digalakkan sejak beberapa siswa terciduk tak memakai atribut lengkap. Pelanggaran mereka pun beragam, antara lain tak memakai ikat pinggang, kaos kaki yang tak memiliki logo sekolah, topi, dasi, almamater, sepatu hitam, dan lain sebagainya Meskipun semua dilakukan demi ketertiban, ada sebagian siswa yang tak senang dengan kegiatan tersebut karena merasa kebebasan mereka terlalu dikekang, salah satunya adalah Debiana cantika, cewek pendiam yang tak terlalu peduli aturan sedang memanyunkan bibirnya didepan pintu gerbang. Ah, shit. Mana gue gak bawa dasi lagi Mereka yang tak memakai atribut lengkap dikumpulkan menjadi satu barisan, sebelum kemudian dihukum massal. Mungkin bagi beberapa orang hanya hukuman biasa, seperti hormat pada ...

⚠️   Konten eksplisit, mungkin mengandung kata-kata yang tidak pantas. kebijakan pembaca sangat disarankan.       I Debu- debu halus Adalah aku Adalah kamu Partikel-partikel kita- beterbangan Tertiup Terhempas Terbawa angin dan kemudian terhirup ... Di  suatu malam yang dingin, langit gelap diselimuti debu kering, lampu-lampu kota menghiasi pandangan mata.   "Edgar, apa lo ingat waktu gue bilang gue tidak dan belum terbiasa berhubungan dengan siapa-siapa?" Keheningan tercipta sebentar, mata gue pun ikut terpancar ke arah cahaya yang berasal dari gedung-gedung pencakar langit. Entah darimana cowok itu menemukan tempat seperti ini, cantik. Saking cantiknya terasa  fairytale , tentu saja tidak ada cahaya aurora yang sampai bersinar-sinar  di  horizon , namun gue yakin bahwa gue tidak akan menemukan tempat lain seperti ini di manapun. Edgar mengangguk, sekilas. Dia pasti sedang menunggu pembicaraan gue berikutnya. II Aromamu menjad...

kadangkala, buat melupakan kehampaaanku aku mendengar lagu membuatku seolah jatuh cinta membuatku menangisi rasa sakit- yang tidak pernah ada hanya untuk memastikan aku belum mati rasa Kosong. tidak ada lagi romantisasi tawa di atas duka batinku melampaui semua tidak ada lagi yang perlu ditangisi, aku kehabisan waktu buat berhenti semua orang memulai, melangkah aku  tidak tahu arah darimana harus memulai ketertinggalan hal apa yang sejatinya ingin kukejar tidak ada yang menungguku- di ujung jalan harusnya aku bebas, kemana-mana asal kaki membawa, mendapati raga lontang-lantung tak ada tujuan pulang, kemana harus pulang? Kosong, tidak ada lagi air mata tidak ada bahagia hampa [dunia pasti bercanda, tolong sudahan tertawanya]

the cure of heartbreak is another heartbreak.  here we go, i learned some lessons how i dealt with things that felt like doesn't make any sense before. i never been used with every kind of heartbreaking, some people called them accident, some would be tragedy and some of that would be death. i think i don't even have any feeling left after some couple 'journey', i had to let go the person i ever depended on in my life. least of that, not the same.  i think if i was the old me, i would have go dying. however we have to accept, sometimes crying doesn't help, and i don't want to be looked pathetic anymore, cause im okay with my life like everyone else in the world do, and i think we fully understand how it feels to be ok with the life itself, - to giving up, to letting go of everything, and it lasts. we never lose when we never once holding back to people and that's what i do to my friends, to almost everyone i meet and welcomed with a big smile,  what is stay ...

  i looked at these windows, the sky's cloudy just like you, like me, and like the time that has been taken. the sun's clear, whispering the drought air, the weather were never just right, it's almost rain i guess, but we're both knew almost is never enough. "What were we?" i remembered those times while im thinking about us. we are there in our each memory, almost erased, made by dust. "What were we?" back to the time while you saw me for the first time, we've been there for awhile, sat in the corner of cafe, i liked the chocolate marshmallow so much, they were warm just like your eyes calmed me who was aching by the pain. "i think we are meant to be" i looked to your palm of hand, they're always fit into mine, you smiled, never answered, just smiled. merely a smile that i would never had forgotten in my life. you have to go, you doesn't know where the lives will carry your feet into, maybe a home, the one you have been l...